so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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