She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
