Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
