Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
