FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
