I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
