I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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