Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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