did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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