All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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