Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
