; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
