we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
