hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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