My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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