And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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