I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
