Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
