My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
