And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
