The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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