You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
