Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
