I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
