I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
