Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
