oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
