can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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