i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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