but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
