So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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