Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
