i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
