I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
