she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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