You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
