i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
