You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
