Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
