YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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