Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
