First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
