Your tits are I can't wait for
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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