I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
