U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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