Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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