Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm both gender and math confused
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
