No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
