It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
