its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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