I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize