make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
