she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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