I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
