I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
