ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
