once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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