Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
