I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
