I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm at about main and main street
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
