The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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