On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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