You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
