Why are handjobs necessary in class?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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