i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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