sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
