nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
