Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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