I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
