brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
